Social media today is flooding with pictures of ‘Dads’ with notes of gratitude and love.
My heart exults when I see this.
This relationship often shadowed under the facade of the mother is however beautiful.
Till date I have never wished my father on this special day.
Do not mistake this as my sheer callousness.
Not that I do not love him, instead I love him much more than my words could state.
When I learned that today was this special day I wanted to wish him, in fact the words grew on my mind but then remained suspended on my lips , not traveling henceforth.
An unknown force possessed me and I held back the words.
There was a time in the days of my budding youth when I despised him.
His very existence filled my eyes and my heart with vile.
My hatred pivoted to such a degree that I even wished him to just disappear!
Today the very thought fills me with disgust and self loathing.
The day still runs vivid on my mind…
It was my birthday, must be fifteenth or sixteenth.
As always the starting of this day would initiate with paying a visit to the shrine of lord Shiva.
Hence we followed the ‘tradition’.
On the way back my dad said he wanted to take us to this restaurant that was then famous for it’s ‘chicken cutlets’.
Before he had even completed his sentence I shunned the idea blatantly on his face.
The emotions that developed on his face that moment- an amalgamation of sadness, worthlessness,rage and a lot more , haunts me till date.
The reason I denied was because I didn’t want to be seen with him.
Yes I was ashamed of the very fact that he was my dad.
This seed of hatred towards him was sown in my mind since a very small age.
My father was into ‘substance abuse’ and this affected the very ambiance at home.
Dissentions, fights , wallowing, the screamings and the long silence that followed were nothing but breathing to us.
Living in a joint family things went much intense.
So when the kids of my age were playing with barbies and out with their parents I was trying to find my ‘home’ that I was longing for.
I have seen my dad go through the worst phases of his life.
Guilt, shame, wrath, frustration, rejection, branding he’s seen it all.
However with maturity I began to develop a soft corner towards him and this yielded into a full blossom of love and respect with age.
And I appreciate my mom’s patience ,in the manner in which she stood by my day.
Never shaken to a bit by the societal conformities.
Hats off to this lady whom I adore so much!
Today we are a beautiful family, content at least.
I love my dad with all his flaws and more than that I respect him.
I ain’t ashamed of his past doings to a least bit.
Although he’s not done anything big or achieved something great but yes!
he is my superhero and my greatest strength.
I tried to make this day special in my own subtle ways.
I baked a cake for us and conveyed the message with silent gestures.
I may not shout out to the world saying I love him or write it over social media but I am grateful that I was born to him.
“you may not be the best dad in the world
but the very fact that your my dad
is bliss for me!”